I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
