i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
