I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
