I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize