You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
