I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize