The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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