my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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