I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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