Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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