the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
