Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
