By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
