He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
