So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
