You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
