there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
