i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
