If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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