I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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