dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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