The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
