I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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