I think scott just propositioned me for sex
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
