True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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