literally had 100 drinks last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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