Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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