Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
