There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
