Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
