I skipped work to stalk him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
