Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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