Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize