he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
