You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
