I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize