He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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