I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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