hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
