hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
