if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
I look better un-naked...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.