Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
...so i touched it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.