mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.