I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?