my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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