Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
