just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
