when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
