sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
