K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
