Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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