Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
