Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
