I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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