I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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