I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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