At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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