who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
