it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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