just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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