I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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