I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize