someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
